A Late Night Phone Call to Pastor Tuck

10:15pm

“Hello.  This is Tuck.”

“Hey, yeah, Pastor Tuck.  This is David.  So I was wondering if you could come and pick me up?  I need a ride.”

“I mean, I guess.  It’s late.  Where are you?”

“Come on, Pastor Tuck.  It’s not late.”

“David, I’m old.  My kids are in bed.  I’m in my pajamas.  It’s late.”

“Ha ha!  All right, all right.  What are you?  Like forty somethin’?”

“I’m thirty-one.”

“Damn!  You are old.”

“So where are you?”

“Oh.  See.  I don’t need you to get me right now.  I need you to get me in like two hours.  Or maybe like three hours.  Yeah, more like three hours.”

“What?  No.”

“Come on Pastor Tuck.  You always tellin’ me I need to be responsible and shit.  That I need to like, plan ahead.  I’m tryin’.  You should reward my effort.”

“No.  I’ll come get you now.  Where are you?”

“No, Pastor Tuck.  Come on!  Why can’t you just come in like three hours?”

“What’s going on?”

“All right, all right.  Me and Rashid are out in Hunt Valley and…”

“What are you doing in Hunt Valley?”

“Oh, what!  A black man can’t go to Hunt Valley?  I can go where I want to go Pastor Tuck.  This is America.  I can do what I want to do.”

“No, no.  I mean what are you, a seventeen-year-old inner city kid, who can’t drive, doing in a suburb?  There isn’t a lot in Hunt Valley.  Are you just wandering the streets?  Is that the only way you could find to spend your Saturday night?”

“Rashid and me are goin’ to the movies.  They got a nice movie theater out here.”

“Who gave you money to go to the movies?  You didn’t spend that money I gave you for your cap and gown did you?”

“No.  I just got it.  I just be getting’ money, Tuck.  Listen, don’t you worry about that.  I got skills.  I gots money gettin’ skills.  And that’s not the point.  I need you to come and get Rashid and me in like three hours.”

“No.  Why?”

“Come on Tucker!  We need you.  I’m tryin’ to be responsible here and shit.

“Why three hours?”

“Well, you see.  We went to this one movie and it was cool and we want to go again ‘cause we loved it an all.  It was inspirational, Tuck.  I’m being inspired.  It’s makin’ me want to be a better person.  I’m goin’ to make somethin’ of myself.”

“So why do you need me?  You got out there.  Come back how you went out.”

“Well, see that’s the problem.  The Light Rail stops runnin’ at midnight but the movie won’t be over until like one, one-thirty.”

“Don’t go to the movie.  Get on the Light Rail and come home now.  You’re welcome.”

“All right, all right.  You’re funny.  So you’ll come get us?”

“No.”

“Come on!”

“No.”

“Oh, you’ll come.”

“No.”

“All right.  I’ll see you in like three hours.”

“I’m going to turn my phone off.  You should go home.”

“All right, Pastor Tuck.  (Laughing)  You won’t leave me here.  (More laughing)  I’ll see you.”

“Good night David.”

“Yeah.  See you in a few hours.”

10:22pm

“Hello, this is Tuck.”

“Hey.  It’s Laura.  Did David call you?”

“Yep.”

“I told him no.”

“Good.”

“I told him to go home.”

“Good.  Would you call the rest of the youth team and tell them to turn their phones off, or at least don’t answer his calls.”

“Already done.  See you at church tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow.”

11:15pm

“Hello.  This is Tuck.  I can’t come to the phone right now.  Leave a message and I will call you back as soon as possible.  Unless you are David or Rashid.  David and Rashid, you should go home.”  (Beep)

(Laughing)  “Yo, Pastor Tucker.  That’s funny, yo.  You a comedian.  It’s David.  Rashid and me are goin’ into the movie.  We’ll see you in like three hours.”  (More laughing)  “You funny with the voice mail and all.”

1:30am

“Hello.  This is Tuck.  I can’t come to the phone right now.  Leave a message and I will call you back as soon as possible.  Unless you are David or Rashid.  David and Rashid, you should go home.”  (Beep)

(Laughing)  “Yo, Pastor Tuck.  You a trip.  We sittin’ out here waitin’ for you.  We’re in front of the movies and you know, they are in the back of the place.  So you goin’ have to drive around.”

1:38am

“Hello.  This is Tuck.  I can’t come to the phone right now.  Leave a message and I will call you back as soon as possible.  Unless you are David or Rashid.  David and Rashid, you should go home.”  (Beep)

“Yo, Tuck.  It’s David.  Where you at?  We are here.  Where are you?”

1:52am

“Hello.  This is Tuck.  I can’t come to the phone right now.  Leave a message and I will call you back as soon as possible.  Unless you are David or Rashid.  David and Rashid, you should go home.”  (Beep)

“What the fuck Tuck?  Where you at?  You can’t just leave us out here, yo.  That’s not cool.  That’s fucked up.  How you just goin’ leave us out here?  Yo man, pick up ya phone.  Pick up ya phone.  Pick it up.  Pick it up.  This some fucked up shit.”

2:15am

“Hello.  This is Tuck.  I can’t come to the phone right now.  Leave a message and I will call you back as soon as possible.  Unless you are David or Rashid.  David and Rashid, you should go home.”  (Beep)

(Whispering) “Yo, Pastor Tucker. See, you shouldn’t count me out ‘cause I’m a survivor.  We found out the grocery store is open all night, so jokes on you, ‘cause we just goin’ to camp out here.  Maybe I’ll even break open some fun-yuns.  Bam bitch.  That’s what I’m talkin’ about.  I got skills.  I got skills.  Daddy got skills.”

3:28am

“Hello.  This is Tuck.  I can’t come to the phone right now.  Leave a message and I will call you back as soon as possible.  Unless you are David or Rashid.  David and Rashid, you should go home.”  (Beep)

“Yo Tuck, this is fucked up man.  The store manager like caught us sleepin’ by the paper towels and he kicked us out and stuff.  It’s fucked up.  He like just put us out the store.  And so we went to go and, like, sleep by where the Light Rail come, but there was this crazy homeless dude there.  And now he’s like chasin’ us and shit.  You got to come get us.  Please Pastor Tuck.  Please come get us.  I mean the homeless dude ain’t fast or nothin’, but I’m just tired of walkin’.  Call me.  Call me back.”

4:19am

“Hello.  This is Tuck.  I can’t come to the phone right now.  Leave a message and I will call you back as soon as possible.  Unless you are David or Rashid.  David and Rashid, you should go home.”  (Beep)

“Hey, yo, yeah, Pastor Tuck.  This is Rashid.  This is fucked up, yo.  I mean.  This dude just keeps followin’ us.  He just keeps comin’.  We get away from him, ‘cause he’s like slow, but like there he is again.  And he just won’t stop.  He’s goin’ to fuck us up.  Please come get us.  He’s all like singing to himself and shit.  It was funny at first, but now I’m like really scared and stuff.  And when he sees us he starts screaming at us and shit.  Come on Pastor Tuck.  Please come and get us.”

5:45am

“Hello.  This is Tuck.”

“Oh shit!  Oh shit!  You actually picked up.”

“Hey David.  How was your night?  Did you go home?”

“You ain’t listen to your phone yet?”

“Nope.  Just turned it on a second ago.”

“That’s fucked up.  I called you like twenty times.  You don’t have to listen to them though.  Well yo, we’re still out here.  Can you come get us?  We’re tired of walkin’ and this dude ain’t givin’ up.  He’s still after us, yo.  I tried to talk to a cop and shit but he just told me that unless the dude, like, beat us to death, he can’t do anything.  This shit is fucked up.”

“Hm.  Well, I’ve got to be up at the church to start setting up at 7:30.  So, I guess I can come get you.  But you’re going to have to stay with me until everything is done today…and I’ve got some meetings after church…so like twelve-thirty or so?.”

“Yo.  Whatever you want Tuck.  Please just come get us.”

“Alright.  I’ll be there in about twenty minutes.”

“Cool.  Um.  You think when you get here you can buy us some breakfast, ‘cause I’m hungry.”

“I’ll meet you in front of the Wegmans.  Be there or I’ll leave you.”

“All right.  All right.  We’ll be there.  We’ll be there.”

“How was the movie?”

“Ha, ha.  Yeah, you funny, Pastor Tuck.  You a comedian.  Ha, ha, ha.”

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